--- /dev/null
+Title: An Infovist's Advisory; Or, Standing Athwart History Yelling, "Wait! I Like the Idea, but the Execution Needs Work!"
+Date: 2020-01-01
+Category: commentary
+Tags: epistemology
+Status: draft
+
+TODO
+
+OUTLINE OF POINTS TO HIT—
+
+ *
\ No newline at end of file
There's a word in the psychology literature for the beautiful feeling at the center of my life: _autogynephilia_ ("love of oneself as a woman"), coined in the context of a theory that it represented one of two distinct etiologies for male-to-female transsexualism. This theory didn't seem to be the standard mainstream view, and, I learned, people get really mad at you when you mention it in a comment section, so for a long time [I self-identified with the _word_](/2017/Feb/a-beacon-through-the-darkness-or-getting-it-right-the-first-time/) "autogynephilia", but assumed that the associated _theory_ was false. _I_ wasn't one of those people who were _actually trans_; I was just, you know, one of those guys who are [pointedly insistent on](/2017/Dec/a-common-misunderstanding-or-the-spirit-of-the-staircase-24-january-2009/) not being _proud_ of the fact that they're guys. (And who dimly, privately suspect that this may somehow be causally related to their obsessive masturbation fantasies about being magically transformed into a woman.)
-Life events led me to do some reading—Kay Brown's blog [_On the Science of Changing Sex_](https://sillyolme.wordpress.com/), Anne Lawrence's monograph [_Men Trapped in Men's Bodies: Narratives of Autogynephilic Transsexualism_](http://www.annelawrence.com/mtimb.html), and Imogen Binnie's novel [_Nevada_](http://haveyoureadnevada.com/) (this item is reverse-scored)—and I concluded that, no, wait, actually the theory looks _correct_, and I _do_ have the same underlying psychological condition that leads people to transition. That, in fact, my story up to now may even be _typical_ of people who transition in their thirties, right up to the ["Oh, I just want to _experiment_ with hormones, I'm not actually going to _transition_" phase](/2017/Jan/the-line-in-the-sand-or-my-slippery-slope-anchoring-action-plan/) (although I [still think](/2017/Sep/hormones-day-156-developments-doubts-and-pulling-the-plug-or-putting-the-cis-in-decision/) I'm smarter than that).
+Life events led me to do some reading—Kay Brown's blog [_On the Science of Changing Sex_](https://sillyolme.wordpress.com/), Anne Lawrence's monograph [_Men Trapped in Men's Bodies: Narratives of Autogynephilic Transsexualism_](http://www.annelawrence.com/mtimb.html), and Imogen Binnie's novel [_Nevada_](https://www.dailydot.com/irl/nevada-imogen-binnie-transgender/) (this item is reverse-scored)—and I concluded that, no, wait, actually the theory looks _correct_, and I _do_ have the same underlying psychological condition that leads people to transition. That, in fact, my story up to now may even be _typical_ of people who transition in their thirties, right up to the ["Oh, I just want to _experiment_ with hormones, I'm not actually going to _transition_" phase](/2017/Jan/the-line-in-the-sand-or-my-slippery-slope-anchoring-action-plan/) (although I [still think](/2017/Sep/hormones-day-156-developments-doubts-and-pulling-the-plug-or-putting-the-cis-in-decision/) I'm smarter than that).
This is _really important information_! This is _not_ the thing someone should have to piece together themselves at age 28. This is the sort of thing that should just be in the standard sex-ed books, that boys having these kinds of feelings can read at age 15 and immediately say, "Ah, I'm in the same taxon as lesbian trans women, and heterosexual crossdressers, and guys who have these fantasies but don't do anything about them in particular, and bigender people who are on low-dose hormones and choose how to 'present' in different social venues; I wonder which of these strategies is best for me given my exact circumstances?"
I got my second laser treatment on Tuesday! This in the evening after pleading guilty in the morning to one count of missing car registration and one count of missing insurance in _The People of the State of "Oregon" vs. "Mark T. Saotome-Westlake"_ (a sobering reminder of the importance of sending in one's renewal paperwork on time).
-I took the "MAX" train to the nearest stop and walked to the area where the laser parlor/clinic/salon is (finding a twenty (!) on the sidewalk along the way—efficient market hypothesis refuted!), but I was quite early, so I took some time to browse the local shops.
+I took the "MAX" train to the nearest stop and walked to the area where the laser parlor/clinic/salon is (finding a twenty (!) on the sidewalk along the way—efficient market hypothesis refuted!), but I was quite early, so I passed the time browsing the local shops.
The variety store had these little nylon–polyester flags, not just for countries, but also the various Pride identity flags—and not only the famous ones like the rainbow flag and the the trans pride flag, either, but also really obscure ones that I wasn't previously aware of, like the leather pride and bear pride flags. (It was the part of town where this was entirely unsurprising.)
-No [AGP flag](https://4archive.org/board/lgbt/thread/8628058/attached-image-is-the-agp-pride-flag-black-represents-the-r), obviously. (Someday ...)
+No [AGP pride flag](https://4archive.org/board/lgbt/thread/8628058/attached-image-is-the-agp-pride-flag-black-represents-the-r), obviously. (Someday ...)
-I went to the bookstore I visited [last time](/2017/Nov/laser-1/). They had instrumental Channukah music playing. I took notice of one of the little flyers taped in the window of the front door, for a local trans writer's workshop. (Again, that part of town.) "Rules: No jerks. No cis people. That's all," it said. I noticed that I was genuinely uncertain as to whether I would count as zero, one, or two of those things.
+I went to the bookstore I visited [last time](/2017/Nov/laser-1/). They had instrumental Channukah music playing. I took notice of one of the little flyers taped in the window of the front door, for a local trans writer's workshop. (Again, that part of town.) "Rules: No jerks. No cis people. That's all," it said. I noticed that I was genuinely uncertain as to whether I would count as zero, one, or two of those things. (Should I try to join and find out?)
I bought a paperback of Laura Jane Grace's memoir _Tranny_ (research for the blog, I told myself) and a copy of the November/December issue of _Poets & Writers_ ([professional development](/2017/Nov/the-blockhead/) for the blog, I told myself).
<blockquote>
-If I could begin to be
-Half of what you think of me
-I could do about anything
-I could even learn how to love
+If I could begin to be<br/>
+Half of what you think of me<br/>
+I could do about anything<br/>
+I could even learn how to love<br/>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
-When I see the way you act
-Wondering when I'm coming back
-I could do about anything
-I could even learn how to love
-Like you
+When I see the way you act<br/>
+Wondering when I'm coming back<br/>
+I could do about anything<br/>
+I could even learn how to love<br/>
+Like you<br/>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
-I always thought I might be bad
-Now I'm sure that its true
-'cause I think you're so good
-And I'm nothing like you
+I always thought I might be bad<br/>
+Now I'm sure that its true<br/>
+'Cause I think you're so good<br/>
+And I'm nothing like you<br/>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
-Look at you go
-I just adore you
-I wish that I knew
-What makes you think I'm so special
+Look at you go<br/>
+I just adore you<br/>
+I wish that I knew<br/>
+What makes you think I'm so special<br/>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
-If I could begin to do
-Something that does right by you
-I would do about anything
+If I could begin to do<br/>
+Something that does right by you<br/>
+I would do about anything<br/>
I would even learn how to love
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
-When I see the way you look
-Shaken by how long it took
+When I see the way you look<br/>
+Shaken by how long it took<br/>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
-I could even learn how to love like you
-Love me like you
+I could even learn how to love like you<br/>
+Love me like you<br/>
</blockquote>
-22 _ Laser 2
-23 S There's a Land That I See; Or, The Spirit of Intervention
-24 _ Product Review: FaceApp
-26 S Don't Negotiate With Terrorist Memeplexes
-27 _ Interlude XII (four lights)
-28 S The View From Nowhere
-29 _ Blame Me for Trying
+Fri 22 _ ✓ Laser 2
+Sat 23 S _ There's a Land That I See; Or, The Spirit of Intervention
+Sun 24 _ _ Product Review: FaceApp
+Tue 26 S _ Don't Negotiate With Terrorist Memeplexes
+Wed 27 _ ✓ Interlude XII (four lights)
+Thu 28 S _ The View From Nowhere
+Fri 29 _ _ Blame Me for Trying
2018 Week 1
S Time Travel Isn't Real; Or, Yes, the Only Real Trans Woman Is a Transitioned Trans Woman
-31 _ Faster Than Science (Transgender Edition)
Q As Well for a Sheep as a Lamb; Or, Charity, Objectivity, and ...
+_ Faster Than Science (Transgender Edition)
Q Memoirs of My Recent Madness, Part II: Friendship Survived
Q Book Review: Nevada
projects / Ultimately_Untrue_Thought.git / commitdiff