Category: other
Status: draft
-I remember (and the Diary entry helps, too) there was a party/meetup at someone's place down in Sunnyvale, perhaps in honor of Robin Hanson being in town. This was back around eight-and-a-half years ago, during the golden age when the Sequences were still being written, when the _M_ and _R_ in _MIRI_ were still an _S_ and an _A_, respectively—before the Eternal September, before everyone was poly, and _long_ before everyone was trans.
+I remember (and the Diary entry helps, too) there was a party/meetup at someone's place down in Sunnyvale, perhaps in honor of Robin being in town. This was back around eight-and-a-half years ago, during the golden age when the Sequences were still being written, when the _M_ and _R_ in _MIRI_ were still an _S_ and an _A_, respectively—before the Eternal September, before everyone was poly, and _long_ before everyone was trans.
I worked the 0600 to 1500 bookkeeper/customer-service shift at my supermarket dayjob that day. After work, I dropped off the week's bag of redeemed manufacturer's coupons at store #936 (what the company did with them after that, I was never told—perhaps they weighed them), bought a woefully-misnamed espresso medicinal from the hegemon's coffee kiösk there, then drove downtown and parked near the library construction site; I had some time to kill before I was scheduled to rendezvous at University and Shattuck in Berkeley at 1745 with a local genetics blogger with whom I had arranged to give a ride to the party. I walked to Ming Quong and bought a "FEMINISM IS THE RADICAL NOTION THAT WOMEN ARE PEOPLE" button to put on my bag as a replacement for the one I had bought in 'aught-six and lost at some point. I had recently reöutfitted my bag with buttons I had bought from a site I knew because the proprietor occasionally commented on the blog (_the_ blog). My newly-accessorized bag could hardly be complete without a gender pin, and for some sentimental reason I wanted it _before_ taking the geneticist to the social. [narrative optimization note]
-Title: Doubts, Fears, Wishes, Trajectories; Or, Hormones Day 15X
-Date: 2017-09-17
+Title: Hormones Day 154: Pulling the Plug; Or, Putting the "Cis" in "Decision"
+Date: 2017-09-25
Category: other
-Tags: HRT diary, not-a-transition
+Tags: HRT diary, not-a-transition, personal
Status: draft
> Still, my relationships with women were decidedly odd. "What's it _like_ to have breasts?" I'd ask. "How does it _feel_?" It was a question women found baffling.
It's _possible_ that this was a bad idea.
-It would be one thing
+It would be one thing if I was actually _noticing_ the emotional and sensory changes that a lot of trans women report. While the psychological effects of HRT (and therefore, the [activational effects](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Organizational-Activational_Hypothesis) of hormones in normal people who _aren't_ fucking with their biochemistry) being large would be _bad_ news from the standpoint of my ideological/sentimental [hope that psychological sex differences are small](http://unremediatedgender.space/2017/Feb/a-beacon-through-the-darkness-or-getting-it-right-the-first-time/), at least I would get the consolation of getting to experience the other side for myself, the True Secret of Being Hormonally Female. At the same time,
+----
+
+
+my gynecomastia—my breasts?
+
+impact on dating
+
+"end of the line
+
+legitimacy is kind of a bad reason to be making medical decisions
not a terribly practical body part
we'll see how I feel when my libido comes back
+genetic children
every year or so I go through a phrase
(any single cis women reading this, please email me)
+want to tell you
+
+
+
+Diary entry no. 318, 24 March 2009—
+
+> If it makes sense to speak of stripping away my autogynephila and my explicitly egalitarian-individualist ideology, would my very soul be revealed as male?
+
+(Editor's note: _yes_.)
+
+> And if so, what can I do about it? What violence could I inflict upon me to make me my _self_?
+>
+> I don't think I ever told you: someday it would be nice to experiment with some androgen-blocking drugs―you know, to see what it would feel like to be on them. But if I'm going to do something like that, it would be nice to have a better job and not be living with my parents―oh Diary, how it all hangs together!
-want to tell you
\ No newline at end of file
>
> —Thomas Jefferson
+> Ultimately every examined life can be interpreted as a disaster; looking closely enough we can always discover psychological and social forces that provide fuel for unlimited rage. [...] But no life can transcend its own disasters unless it celebrates its uniqueness and contributes that which only it can contribute. Life is perverted if one is constantly reacting, never initiating, but always allowing rage to define it.
+>
+> —Steven Goldberg, _Why Men Rule: A Theory of Male Dominance_
+
----
(An Infovist's Advisory)
On 2017-03-04 14:12, Michael Vassar wrote:
> The ACLU needs to address how plausible the arguments for censorship are. People accepting censorship need to address arguments about how real the harms are. As far as I can tell, you are three maximally concrete and articulate case of a person harness by PC in a context where an impartial summary would call it attempted genocide
+
+"Years before that, two different transwomen I knew had pressured me into sending nude photos of my breasts to them." https://4thwavenow.com/2016/04/27/shrinking-to-survive-a-former-trans-man-reports-on-life-inside-queer-youth-culture/
NON-SEQUENCE (16)—
Q Memoirs of My Recent Madness, Part II: Friendship Survived
-Imperfect Trait Measurements Regress to the Mean
A Common Misunderstanding; Or, the Spirit of the Staircase (24 January 2009)
+Imperfect Trait Measurements Regress to the Mean
Q Review of Nevada
Q I Want to See You Be Brave
Faster Than Science (Transgender Edition)
projects / Ultimately_Untrue_Thought.git / commitdiff