"Why, yes, of course my female gender identity is an outgrowth of my paraphilic erotic desire to have a woman's body—after all, that's one of the two and probably only two causal pathways along which male-to-female sex reassignment could possibly seem like a good idea to someone, and you can probably already tell from my appearance and behavior that I'm not one of the androphilic kind."
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-Julia Serano:
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-> There was also a period of time when I embraced the word "pervert" and viewed my desire to be female as some sort of sexual kink. But after exploring that path, it became obvious that explanation could not account for the vast majority of instances when I thought about being female in a nonsexual context.
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-I don't doubt that Julia Serano is telling the truth about her _subjective experiences_. But "that explanation could not account for" is _not an experience_. It's a _hypothesis_ about human psychology. We shouldn't _expect_ anyone to get that kind of thing right based on introspection alone.
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How to account for people disagreeing?
* ppl can have false beliefs about themselves, have to infer explanations for behavior (picking the gift on the right)
How to get over feeling like I'm fetishizing womanhood?
https://archive.ph/6l1W8
-On my last day at SwiftStack, I said that I was taking a sabbatical from my software engineering career to become a leading intellectual figure of the alternative right. That was a joke, but not one that I would have made after Charlottesville
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someone posted an inflation fetish joke in Kelsey's channel and got a lot of laugh reactions including from Big Yud, and it's salient to me that people don't gaslight people with other transformation fetishes
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/458329253595840522/987991378590052402/SPOILER_unknown.png
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Anna thinks that committees can't do anything worthwhile; for endeavors requiring a lot of coordination, it's useful for leaders to have slack to make decisions without having to justify themselves to a mob. Anna endorses Straussianism: writing for the few is different from writing for the many, and that some of Ben's stuff may have veered too far towards loading negative affect on EA leaders; I and my model of Michael have reservations about the extent to which \"writing for the few\" could also be described as \"colluding to deceive the rest of the world\
an irony: in my psychosis, I was scared that the world was far less legible than I had imagined, but that _wasn't_ why my ordeal's and Devi's were so traumatic _at all_: the psych ward is _very much_ governed by legible rules, rules that I had no control over
all those transwomen are going to be so embarrassed when the FAI gives us telepathy after the Singularity
and it turns out that what actual women feel as _absolutely nothing to do_ with what AGP fantasy feels like
-Tue Feb 14 2017 11:26:20 (this conversation was actually during the tantrum)—
-K: I really *was* getting to the point that I hated transwomen
-Z: I hate them, too!
-Z: Fuck those guys!
-K: I hated what happened to my husband, I hate the insistence that I use the right pronouns and ignore my senses, I hate the takeover of women's spaces, I hate the presumption that they know what a woman's life is like, I was *getting* to the point that I deeply hated them, and saw them as the enemy
-K: But you're actually changing that for me
-K: You're reconnecting me with my natural compassion
-K: To people who are struggling and have things that are hard
-K: It's just that, the way they think things is hard is not the way I actually think it is anymore
-Z: the \"suffering\" is mostly game-theoretic victimhood-culture
-K: You've made me hate transwomen *less* now
-K: Because I have a model
-K: I understand the problem
-[...]
-K: I understand why it's hard
-K: I feel like I can forgive it, to the extent that forgiveness is mine to give
-K: This is a better thing for me
-I did not *want* to be a hateful person",
-I did not want to take seeming good people as an enemy in my head, while trying to be friends with them in public
-I think now I can do it more honestly
-They might not want *me* as a friend
-But now I feel less threatened and confused and insulted
-And that has dissolved the hatred that was starting to take root
-I'm very grateful for that
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https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/ZEgQGAjQm5rTAnGuM/beware-boasting-about-non-existent-forecasting-track-records
Idle anecdote on zero-sum intutions: I tend to invent fake conservation laws when I'm having a psychotic episode. In 2013, it was "the happiness and suffering in the universe sum to zero". In 2017, it was something more complicated about a pattern where "frenemies" (think Hamilton and Burr in the musical) inevitably get into a conflict where one murders the other, but, in order to make the equation balance, aspects of the dead man's personality and values rub off on the victor. (I'm not claiming there's a moral here other than "Psychosis is good for inventing fake conservation laws.")
_ integrate 5150 scene scraps into a coherent section
near editing tier—
+_ link Crossdreamers (at the same time I say it's not about the clothes, to help make sense of the title)
+_ so embarrassed after the Singularity
_ "Patient's Rights" or "Patients' Rights"?
_ mention my "trembling hand" history with secrets, not just that I don't like it
_ NRx explanation should include the "there's only what won" line
_ mention flying to Pittsburgh had been brought up
_ Noether's theorem allusion re "... Boundaries?"
+
people to consult specifically before pt. 1–3:
_ hostile prereader? (first-choice: April)
_ professional editor?
_ Tail (AGP discussion) [pt. 1]
-_ "Thomas" [blanket]
+- "Thomas" [blanket]
_ Anna [blanket]
_ Sarah (name mention, whether to name conversation) [blanket]
_ Ben/Jessica (Michael) [blanket]
_ "Bill" [blanket]
_ Sophia [pt. 1-2]
-_ "Roberta" [pt. 2]
+_ "Roberta"? [pt. 2]
_ Alicorn: briefly, and for Melkor Glowfic reference link [pt. 2-3]
_ "Noreen" [pt. 2]
_ Lex [pt. 2]
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-from the top editing session— bookmark phrase "A trans woman named Sophia"
+from the top editing session— bookmark phrase "In a Facebook thread"
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projects / Ultimately_Untrue_Thought.git / commitdiff