memoir: the model clicked

A lot of the post is good enough to reproduce almost-verbatim, but I
don't want to go full verbatim and put it in a blockquote, because I
don't like the ALLCAPS yelling, and I never explained the "causality
goes the other way" slogan. (I think I meant, politics mostly creates
LGBTQ+ identities rather than LGBTQ+ people uniting to protect
theirrights.) Should I be explaining that here?

diff --git a/content/drafts/blanchards-dangerous-idea-and-the-plight-of-the-lucid-crossdreamer.md b/content/drafts/blanchards-dangerous-idea-and-the-plight-of-the-lucid-crossdreamer.md
index 11e5f76..af9393d 100644 (file)
--- a/content/drafts/blanchards-dangerous-idea-and-the-plight-of-the-lucid-crossdreamer.md
+++ b/content/drafts/blanchards-dangerous-idea-and-the-plight-of-the-lucid-crossdreamer.md
@@ -626,6 +626,16 @@ I replied, but was circular, right?—that women are people who are happier bein
 
 -------
 
+In another post from 4:25 _p.m._ that afternoon, I acknowledged my right-wing influences. You know, you spend nine years reading a lot of ideologically-inconvenient science, all the while thinking, "Oh, this is just interesting science, you know, I'm not going to let myself get _morally corrupted_ by it or anything." And for the last couple years you add in some ideologically-inconvenient political thinkers, too.
+
+But I was still a nice good socially-liberal Free-to-Be-You-and-Me gender-egalitarian individualist person. Because I understood the is–ought distinction—unlike _some_ people—I knew that I could learn from people's _models_ of the world without necessarily agreeing with their _goals_. So I had been trying to learn from the models of these bad people saying the bad things, until one day _the model clicked_. And the model was _terrifying_. And the model had _decision-relevant implications for the people who valued the things that I valued_—
+
+The thing was, I actually _didn't_ think I had been morally corrupted after all! I thought I was actually _really good_ at maintaining the is–ought distinction in my mind. But more people who hadn't followed by exact intellectual trajectory, the mere fact that I was saying, "Wait! Stop! The things that you're doing may not in fact be the optimal things!" made it _look_ like I'd been morally corrupted, and there was no easy way for me to prove otherwise.
+
+So, people probably shouldn't believe me. This was just a little manic episode with no serious implications. Right?
+
+-------
+
 Somewhat awkwardly, I actually had a date scheduled with "Noreen" that evening. The way that happened was, elsewhere on Facebook, earlier, on 7 February, Brent Dill had said that he didn't see the value in the community matchmaking site _reciprocity.io_, and I disagreed, saying that the hang-out matching had been valuable to me, even if the romantic matching was useless for insufficiently high-status males.
 
 "Noreen" had complained: "again with pretending only guys can ever have difficulties getting dates (sorry for this reaction, I just find this incredibly annoying)". I had said that she shouldn't apologize; I usually didn't make that genre of comment, but it seemed thematic while replying to Brent. Incidentally, I added, I was thinking of seeing seeing that new _Hidden Figures_ movie if I could find someone to go with? It turned out that she had already seen it, but we made plans to see _West Side Story_ at the [Castro Theatre](https://www.castrotheatre.com/) instead.

diff --git a/notes/memoir-sections.md b/notes/memoir-sections.md
index ad1f2af..05604d8 100644 (file)
--- a/notes/memoir-sections.md
+++ b/notes/memoir-sections.md
@@ -4,8 +4,9 @@ marked TODO
 _ fully off the rails 15–17 February [pt. 2]
 
 ✓ a moment of liberating clarity [pt. 2]
+✓ "model clicked" [pt. 2]
 - NRx education with "Wilhelm" [pt. 2]
-_ "model clicked" [pt. 2]
+
 
 ✓ Eliezerfic fight: Big Yud tests me [pt. 6]
 - Eliezerfic fight: grading rubric [pt. 6]
@@ -53,6 +54,7 @@ _ emailing Blanchard/Bailey/Hsu/Lawrence [pt. 2]
 it was actually "wander onto the AGI mailing list wanting to build a really big semantic net" (https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/9HGR5qatMGoz4GhKj/above-average-ai-scientists)
 
 With internet available—
+_ Free to Be You and Me
 _ Thing of Things
 _ when was Ozy "On AGP" published?
 _ Yudkowsky Tweet about identifying as a decision theorist